I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
