If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
