Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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