I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
