you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
