I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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