I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
