If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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