she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize