I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
