I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
