He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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