I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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