I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
