I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
