God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
