Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
