when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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