WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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