who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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