Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
