I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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