her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
