i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
