I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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