yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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