Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
