This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
