At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
