i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
