We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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