Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Two words: blizzard sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
