I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize