Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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