just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
