The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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