so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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