She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
