Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
