when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
