I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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