i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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