: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Screwed.edu
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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