i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
