U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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