Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
