I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
