I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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