I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dicks are not precious.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
