fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
