I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
