grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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