census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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