I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
