I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
