Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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