i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
