my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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