Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
