Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
