Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
