Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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