My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need moral support for this bender
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
