Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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