she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
