How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
