Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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