did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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