She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
