Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
