It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
