Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
