3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
