i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
