i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
