Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
