We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
