You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
