Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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