I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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