so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
