Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
