i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
