Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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