fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
