We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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