____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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