I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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