Me too!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Randomize
