Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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