My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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