My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
