I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
