im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
