So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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