I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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