when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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