I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
