I just made out with a guy for $7.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
