I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
