Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
