Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
