If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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