i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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