I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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